Dear Mr. President, 

  I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, "Thank me, I  
  voted for Clinton-Gore." So, I sat down and reflected on  
  that and I am sending my "Thank you" for what you 
  have done, specifically: 
  
  1. Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers,  
  Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, 
  Kathleen Willey, and, of course, Juanita Broaddrick, who  
  told NBC that you raped her. Are there any others that 
  we should know about? 
  
  2. Thank you for teaching my 8-year-old about oral sex. 
  I had really planned to wait until he was about 10 or so to  
  discuss it with him, but now he knows more about it than 
  I did as a senior in college. The cigar thing was also neat  
  for the kids. 
  
  3. Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in  
  the work place (especially the White House) and on the 
  job is OK, and all you have to know is what the meaning 
  of "IS" is. It really is great to know that certain sexual  
  acts are not sex and one person may have sex while the 
  other one involved does NOT have sex. Monica said 
  frequently while you were on the telephone, she would 
  work at one end and you at the other. What productivity!  
  
  4. Thank you for reintroducing the concept of 
  impeachment to a new generation and demonstrating that  
  the ridiculous plot of the movie "Wag The Dog" could be 
  plausible after all. The people of the Sudan, Afghanistan  
  and Serbia are all running to rent the video, now that you  
  made them part of the story. 
  
  5. Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent 
  Gerald Ford look graceful, Richard Nixon look honest,  
  Lyndon Johnson look truthful, and John Kennedy look 
  moral. 
  
  6. Thank you for the 72 House and Senate witnesses  
  who have pleaded the 5th Amendment and 17 witnesses  
  who have fled the country to avoid testifying about  
  Democrat campaign fund raising. 
  
  7. Thank you for the 19 charges, 8 convictions, and 4  
  imprisonment's from the Whitewater "mess" and the 55 
  criminal charges and 32 criminal convictions (so far) in  
  the other "Clinton" scandals. 
  
  8. Thanks for remembering the families of many  
  deceased people who once were your friends, who 
  served you and died so young and suddenly: Vince 
  Foster, Jerry Parks, Ron Brown, Admiral Boorda, Les  
  Aspin, Barbara Alice Wiese, Mary Mahoney, Jim 
  McDougal et al. 
  
  9. Thanks also for reducing our military by half, "gutting"  
  much of our foreign policy and for providing no real 
  missile defense system for the American people. Thank  
  you for sharing with our Chinese friends all of our 
  nuclear weapon designs, the supercomputer technology 
  to build such weapons, the ballistic missile technology so  
  they can have more accurate missiles, and the encryption 
  technology so they can keep it all secret too.  
  
  10. You are amazing visiting all those countries! Thank 
  you for flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully  
  disguised as necessary trips. It's wonderful, too, how you  
  have surpassed every other president in the size of your 
  entourage on these trips: 75 jumbo jets, 2000 guests to  
  China alone. Your Africa entourage also was remarkable 
  and it was nice of you to bring Betty Currie. She needed  
  a break from testifying before the grand jury. 
  
  Please give my regards to Hillary, when/if you see her.  
  Tell her I'm working on a "Thank You" letter for her, 
  too! 
  
  Looking forward to January 2001, 
  
  Average American Citizen